How to communicate with kids without losing yourself

The Frustration

Do you find it rather hard to communicate to your child and gets really frustrated whenever they started to misbehave and act irrationally? Understanding how to communicate with the kids without losing yourself has always been one of the major problems most parents commonly faced because they don’t have a clue on what to do.

If you are reading this post right now, in your subconscious mind right now you will be thinking; So how can I start and adopt the habit of better communication to my kids?

Be Self Aware Of Your Own Emotional State

Different emotion state affects how our mind process and react when things are not what we expected

The First Thing parent need is to attain Self-Control of your emotion, Anger.

Anger starts to rush into our mind whenever things don’t go our desire way. It often results in spending more time and effort to accomplish a certain task.

To control your emotions, you need to be aware of it. To increase your self-awareness you will need to open up your mind to accept all the situation and problems which are beyond your control. Focus on the solution how you can settle the issue. Our mind is unable to contain 2 emotions concurrently, at one time, just as a person cannot laugh and cry at one time.

The moment you start to focus on the solution and not the problem, anger emotion gets eliminated.

Move away First

If anger got into your mind, restrained you from any further conversation or confrontation. Take a deep breath in and letting it out a couple of times. The breathing is to help you cool of your mind. If you still unable to release your anger, walk away for a moment and continue with the breathing method until you emotion is stable.

Once you have managed to calm down, adjust your mind into focusing on the solution to the situation.

Every kid has a particular reason to do or react in certain ways. Some do it because of fear. While others do it because of curiosity or sadness. Being a kid, they are still trying to adjust to the environment. Not being unable to control their emotions and expressing themselves usually resulted in misbehavior.

Stop the Blame, Starts to Understand

When parents react harshly or started to show your anger to their child, their body started to sense danger and a protective barrier will activate. The child will cry more, gets angrier or to the extent self-inflicting themselves.

STOP the blaming habit on what they have done. Instead, START the conversation by asking them what is bothering them and how you can help. Ask with the intention of understanding the WHY reason for doing this, and then the HOW can I help. By doing this it helps to remove the Blame Barrier to an Understand Bridge to connect the kids and parents.

Once the bridge has been formed, you start to notice that your child will be more willing to open in sharing their problems with you. Once you know the EXACT problem, solve it immediately. If the problem can’t be solved immediately, explain to your child that you will need some time to get back to them. And commit to DO IT.

If the commitment was not fulfilled, the bridge will collapse and trust will be affected. You need to then reiterate the same process to build the bridge again. It is OK to start again and make sure you really commit to what you preach.

There will be times when your child is not willing to confide directly to you when the situation goes beyond haywire. You can ask school teachers, friends or other family members who are close to your child to have a chat with them to understand the problem.


Don’t be too hard on yourself if you are not able to control yourself at first. This is normal. Everyone needs time to adopt a habit of doing things right. The key is to practice it every day. Consistency with the right mindset is the key.

Well you see, our minds have been tune in such way that it focuses on problems first. Our mind always acts as a guardian to protect us from danger. Whenever any situation occurs, the first thing in your mind will be the problem first.
Practice first to focus on thinking the solution to any problem. By doing so, your mind will automatically switch off the problem cap and turn on the thinking cap.

To recap how you can better manage the communication between you and your child.

  • Increase your self-awareness and control your own emotion.
  • Before starting any conversation with your kid, make sure you are calm. A calm person thinks rationally.
  • Ask them the WHY reason for their behavior and then the How can I help to create the understand bridge.
  • Take responsibility on what you commit to your kids, and complete it within a certain dateline.
  • Ask someone close to your child to talk to them and understand the root cause of the problems.

Communication with your child is never an easy task. It takes lots of time, patience and understanding getting it right. Once the understanding bridge is formed, commitment strengthens the bridge and creates

I hope you have enjoyed the post and appreciate to share what is your way of creating a better communication by commenting at the comment section.



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